Tag Archives: Dave Barry

Holiday Shopping Advice

Are you stressed out about your holiday shopping? Take heart. Helpful advice from Dave Barry to the rescue:

Here is a very efficient shopping method: divide the amount of money you have by the number of people on your gift list to get an average dollar amount per person. So if you have $160 and you want to buy gifts for 10 people, your average is $16 per person. Now find something that costs $16, and buy 10 of whatever it is. You’ll find many useful gifts in this price range; for example, you could get 10 family-sized bottles of vitamin B. Everyone, young and old alike, can use vitamin B, and your children are sure to shriek with delight when they find it under the tree.

And whatever you do, don’t get a man a new tie.

If you give [a man] a new tie, he will pretend to like it, but deep inside he will hate you. If you want to give a man something practical, consider tires. More than once, I would have gladly traded all the gifts I got for a new set of tires.

There you have it. All your holiday shopping woes solved. Vitamin B for all.

Dave Barry’s excellent advice above was taken from this hilarious book we have here at the library:

The Dreaded Feast: Writers on Enduring the Holidays

Check it out for more thoughts on the holiday season from writers including John Waters, Mark Twain, George Plimpton, Augusten Burroughs, and David Sedaris.

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